How chronic stress affects the body is not only about deadlines, traffic, money, caregiving, or having too much on your calendar.
Sometimes the stress is quieter.
It can be the mental energy it takes to constantly monitor how you speak, react, and show up.
- Should I soften that?
- Was I too direct?
- Did my tone sound aggressive?
- Can I admit that I am struggling?
- Do I need to smile more?
- Will they think I am too emotional?
That kind of self-monitoring may seem small in the moment. But when it happens repeatedly, it becomes one more demand your brain and body have to manage.
I’ve watched the International Women’s Day 2025 video several times since it was released. This time, though, I found myself looking at it through another lens: not only what these experiences mean for women in leadership, but what constantly monitoring how we speak, react, and show up may be doing to the body.
I know that mental load well.
During my 20+ years in corporate America, I was told my tone could be too strong. Being assertive and getting straight to the point could sometimes be interpreted as aggressive. I was also told I should make more small talk before getting down to business with women, while a more direct approach with men was often considered acceptable.
And some of the strongest reactions I experienced came from other women.
That is one reason I do not see this as a simple men-versus-women conversation. It is bigger than that. It is about communication, expectations, perception, judgment, and what happens when we spend a lot of energy trying to anticipate how someone else may interpret us.
The International Women’s Day video captures this by flipping the script. Three male leaders are asked questions women have heard for years. Questions about their appearance, hormones, whether their looks helped them advance, and how they manage being assertive without being perceived negatively.
International Women’s Day – What if the script was flipped?
One moment stayed with me. One of the men talked about his 10-year-old daughter, and the conversation suddenly became more personal. It was no longer only about leadership or workplace dynamics. He was imagining his own daughter one day navigating some of those same expectations.
That is where curiosity can change a conversation.
We talk a lot about workload. We talk much less about the work involved in constantly monitoring yourself, adjusting yourself, and trying to manage how other people might perceive you.
And that is where this conversation starts to move beyond communication and into physiology.
Stress That Is Not on Your Calendar
Today I work with men and women who lead teams, build businesses, manage demanding careers, care for families, and carry a lot of responsibility.
And I still hear versions of the same thoughts:
- I don’t want to come across as difficult.
- I have to be careful how I say this.
- I need to watch my tone.
- They think I am aggressive.
- I can’t let them see that I am struggling.
- I have to keep it together.
- I’m exhausted, but I need to keep pushing.
That is not only communication.
It can become another task on your mental to-do list.
There is nothing wrong with adjusting how we communicate. In fact, healthy communication requires awareness.
As a coach, I adjust how I communicate depending on the person in front of me. That is part of building trust and helping someone hear what they need to hear.
But there is a difference between adjusting your communication and constantly abandoning your own needs, boundaries, or personality because you are afraid of how you will be perceived.
Healthy communication is a shared responsibility. I can adjust how I communicate, and the person across from me can also ask questions, clarify what they heard, and communicate what they need.
Over the years, I have also learned to communicate sooner, clarify expectations, create stronger boundaries, and sometimes walk away from situations I could see becoming unhealthy.
Those skills are not only good for relationships and leadership. They can also reduce unnecessary stress on the body.
How Your Body Responds to Stress
Your brain and body are constantly communicating.
When something feels threatening, uncertain, demanding, or socially uncomfortable, your body has systems designed to help you respond.
One is the sympathetic nervous system, often called the “fight-or-flight” system. It helps increase alertness and prepares your body to take action.
Another is the HPA axis, short for the Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal axis.
That name sounds complicated, but the idea is simple.
Think of the HPA axis as a communication system between your brain and adrenal glands that helps coordinate your stress response, including the release of cortisol.
And cortisol is not the enemy.
Your body needs cortisol. It helps you wake up in the morning, mobilize energy, regulate blood sugar, respond to challenges, and perform when you need to.
The goal is not to eliminate stress or cortisol.
The goal is to be able to respond when stress is needed and recover when the stressful situation has passed.
What Happens When Your Body Does Not Get Enough Recovery?
Your stress response is designed to turn on and then settle back down.
But what happens when the demands keep coming?
A difficult meeting.
Poor sleep.
Another deadline.
Family responsibilities.
Financial pressure.
Not eating enough.
Training hard without enough recovery.
Hormonal changes.
Illness.
Conflict.
Your body keeps adapting.
Over time, researchers use a term called allostatic load to describe the cumulative wear and tear that can develop when the body repeatedly has to adjust to stress.
You do not need to memorize the term.
Think of it this way:
Allostatic load is not one stressful meeting. It is not one bad night of sleep. It is what can happen when many demands continue stacking up and your body does not get enough opportunity to recover.
This is important because research on chronic psychological stress shows that prolonged stress can involve multiple systems, including the nervous system, hormones, immune function, cardiovascular health, inflammation, and metabolism.
Your systems do not operate in isolation. They communicate with one another.
And sometimes your body starts sending signals before you consciously think, “I am stressed.”
My own health journey gave me a very personal lesson in that. My test results forced me to pay closer attention to what my body had been trying to tell me, which I shared in The Test Results That Made Me Stop and Listen.
What Chronic Stress Can Look Like
Chronic stress does not always look like panic or feeling obviously overwhelmed.
Sometimes it looks much more ordinary.
You may notice:
- less patience or more irritability
- feeling overwhelmed more easily
- poor sleep or waking up tired
- feeling “wired but tired”
- stronger cravings or less motivation to prepare nourishing food
- relying more on caffeine or sugar to get through the day
- less motivation to exercise
- slower recovery after workouts
- feeling mentally drained after meetings or stressful weeks
- less emotional bandwidth for your team, partner, family, or friends
None of these symptoms automatically means chronic stress is the cause.
Fatigue, sleep problems, cravings, mood changes, and poor recovery can also be influenced by blood sugar, nutrient status, medications, hormonal changes, thyroid function, illness, sleep disorders, and many other factors.
That is exactly why I do not like guessing.
Stress may be part of the picture, but we need to look at the whole picture.
That connection between health and our ability to perform is also why I believe Purpose Gives You Direction. Health Creates Your Freedom.
What About Stress and Inflammation?
You will often hear people say, “Stress causes inflammation.”
There is some truth behind that statement, but it needs context.
Stress and the immune system influence one another. Research on psychological distress and inflammatory responses supports a relationship, but the response varies across people and circumstances.
When stress becomes prolonged, it can affect inflammatory signaling and immune regulation. But this does not mean one difficult meeting automatically creates chronic inflammation.
Your inflammatory response is influenced by many things, including sleep, nutrition, movement, infections, body composition, blood sugar regulation, environmental exposures, medications, hormonal changes, and existing health conditions.
Stress can be one contributor.
The goal is not to become afraid of stress. The goal is to understand how much total load your body is carrying and whether you are giving it enough opportunity to recover.
Education should create options, not fear.
How Hormones Can Affect the Stress Response
Hormones can influence sleep, mood, energy, body temperature, blood sugar regulation, and our ability to respond to stress.
That becomes especially important during periods of hormonal transition, including perimenopause and menopause.
But understanding hormones should never become an excuse to dismiss someone.
Telling a woman that she is “just hormonal” or asking whether she is on her period can invalidate what she is actually experiencing.
And women can do this to other women too.
Hormones matter.
So does the person standing in front of you.
We can understand biology without using biology to dismiss someone’s experience.
Curiosity Can Change the Conversation
Something I have always struggled with is how quickly we can make assumptions about other people.
- Why is she being so aggressive?
- Why is he so defensive?
- Why is she so emotional?
- Why are they so sensitive?
But what if we changed the question?
Instead of asking, “What is wrong with this person?” try asking, “What might this person be dealing with that I cannot see?”
Sometimes curiosity looks like asking:
- Are you okay?
- Am I misunderstanding what you mean?
- Is there something going on that would help me better understand?
- Is there anything I can do to support you?
You do not need to become someone’s therapist. Sometimes you simply need to stop assuming you already know the full story.
For men reading this: think about the women around you, coworkers, employees, leaders, partners, daughters, mothers, sisters, or friends. Ask what their experience has been. Then listen.
For women reading this: ask yourself how you respond to other women. Are you judging someone for the very behavior you have been criticized for yourself? And how often are you changing yourself because you assume someone else expects you to?
Curiosity creates room for better conversations.
Three Things You Can Do This Week
You do not need to overhaul your life. Start by paying attention.
1. Clear up one source of unnecessary stress
Choose one conversation, expectation, or boundary that has been sitting in the back of your mind. Communicate what you need. Ask the question. Clarify the expectation. Notice whether your body feels any different after the uncertainty is reduced.
2. Track one signal for seven days
Pick one thing: sleep, energy, irritability, hunger, cravings, HRV if you use a wearable, or workout recovery. You are not trying to diagnose yourself. You are simply looking for patterns.
3. Practice two minutes of recovery
After one meal, stressful meeting, or demanding part of your day, take two minutes to slow down. Not because two minutes will fix your workload. Not because breathing makes an unhealthy environment healthy. But because your body needs moments when it receives the message that it is safe to come down from high alert.
A Simple Breathing Practice
Research on voluntary slow breathing suggests it can increase measures associated with cardiac vagal activity, which is linked with the parasympathetic, or recovery-side, nervous system. A 2026 daily-life study also found that slow-paced breathing reduced perceived stress immediately after practice.
Try this:
- Sit comfortably.
- Breathe in slowly through your nose.
- Exhale gently and slowly.
- Continue for about two minutes.
- Keep the breath comfortable rather than forcing it.
- If you feel lightheaded, return to your normal breathing pattern.
You can also try two physiological sighs: a normal inhale through your nose, followed by a second shorter inhale, then a slow exhale. Structured breathwork research has studied repeated cyclic sighing as a breathing practice. Two sighs in the moment are best treated as a simple reset tool, not a guaranteed treatment.
The goal is not perfection. The goal is to give your nervous system a short opportunity to shift gears.
What I Would Not Do
Breathing, meditation, exercise, and other stress-management tools can be valuable.
But they should not become ways to tolerate situations that genuinely need to change.
- use breathing exercises so I can stay indefinitely in an unhealthy workplace or relationship
- assume every symptom is caused by stress
- tell someone to “just relax” when sleep, nutrition, blood sugar, hormones, medications, illness, or other factors may be contributing
- assume that being authentic means saying whatever comes to mind without considering how it affects others
- keep pushing simply because I am capable of pushing
Regulation and boundaries can exist together. So can authenticity and healthy communication.
When It May Be Time to Look Deeper
If you are constantly tired, sleeping poorly, depending on caffeine or sugar to make it through the day, experiencing stronger cravings, becoming more irritable, recovering poorly, or simply feeling like your body is no longer responding the way it used to, it may be time to look deeper.
Stress may be contributing. But there may also be other pieces of the puzzle.
That is why I believe in looking at your symptoms, habits, health history, lifestyle, and objective data when appropriate, rather than assuming one explanation fits everyone.
If you want to understand how I approach these patterns with clients, learn more about functional health coaching for busy professionals.
Ready to Stop Guessing?
Your ability to lead, perform, think clearly, make decisions, train, recover, and be present with the people you care about is connected to your health.
Being capable of pushing through does not mean pushing through is always the right choice.
If something feels off, pay attention sooner rather than later.
Understanding what your body is telling you gives you more choices about what to do next.
Start with clarity.
Identify what may be contributing to the way you feel and where to focus first.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can chronic stress affect the body even if I do not feel anxious?
Yes. Stress does not always feel like panic or anxiety. It can look like poor sleep, irritability, fatigue, cravings, muscle tension, feeling wired but tired, or reduced recovery. These signs are not specific to stress, so persistent symptoms deserve a broader look at health, habits, and medical factors too.
What is allostatic load in simple terms?
Allostatic load means the wear and tear that can build when your body has to keep adapting to repeated or long-lasting stress. Think of it as your total stress burden across work, relationships, sleep, health, caregiving, nutrition, training, and other demands.
Can breathing exercises regulate the nervous system?
Slow, comfortable breathing can influence the autonomic nervous system and increase measures linked with parasympathetic, or recovery-side, activity. It can be a useful short-term regulation tool, but it does not replace sleep, nutrition, movement, boundaries, medical care, or addressing the source of chronic stress.
References and Supporting Research
