My relationship with food was not always healthy.
I need to say that clearly because it matters.
I do not coach people around food, cravings, blood sugar, weight, and habits from a place of theory. I have lived versions of the struggle.
Sugar had a grip on me for years. Calorie counting ruled for more than 20 years in my adult life. Food felt like something I had to control. My weight felt like something I had to manage constantly. For a period of my life, I also struggled with disordered eating patterns that created a lot of emotional distress.
It was not something I did every day. It was not the most extreme version someone could experience. But it was real. And when you are in that cycle, it does not feel “mild” inside your own body and mind. It feels exhausting. It feels secret. It feels like you are trying to hold everything together with your fingernails.
From the outside, people can think you are disciplined. They may see you exercising, controlling portions, doing the right things, pushing through. But inside, you can feel completely out of control.
That is why I will never look at a client and think, “Just have more willpower.” I know better.
Sugar was my brain’s favorite trap.
I have shared before that I was a sugar addict. That is not a cute phrase. My brain loves sugar. Loves it. If certain foods are in my house, I know exactly what can happen. They disappear. Fast.
I tested this plenty of times. I would bring something into the house thinking, “I will control it this time.” Then before I knew it, it was gone. Not because I did not know better. Not because I was lazy. Because that old pattern is real, and I have learned to respect it instead of negotiating with it every day.
So, you will have a hard time finding foods with added sugar at my house. If I decide to buy anything with added sugar, I have to really watch it. Self-awareness is not weakness. It’s how you stop relying on willpower alone.
Self-awareness is not weakness. It’s how you stop relying on willpower alone.
One of the biggest mistakes people make with cravings is pretending the environment does not matter. It matters a lot. If your brain has a strong reward pattern around pizza, chips, cheese, fried and fast food, sugar, chocolate, wine, or whatever your thing is, your strategy cannot be “I will just be stronger tonight.” That might work once. It usually does not work as a lifestyle.
The smarter question is: how do I design my environment, so I do not need heroic levels of willpower just to get through my day?
Sports helped my brain before I understood why.
I played volleyball for more than 20 years. I ran, played racquetball, and later did CrossFit for about 12 years. For a long time, I did not fully understand why those activities felt so good to me. I just knew I felt better when I moved hard, played hard, and challenged myself.
Later, as I learned more about brain chemistry, blood sugar, stress, and my own patterns, things started to make more sense. High-intensity movement was feeding my brain in a way sugar had been trying to feed it too. One was building me. The other was slowly taking from me.
That does not mean everyone needs CrossFit or intense exercise. Absolutely not. I have also had to learn when less intensity was the smarter choice. But it does mean movement, strength, play, sweat, and challenge can be powerful for mood, cravings, confidence, and identity.
Disordered eating is not just about food.
For me, food control was never only about food. It was about wanting to feel in control when something inside felt chaotic. It was about wanting my body to look a certain way. It was about fear, stress, pressure, and old emotional patterns. It was about trying to manage discomfort through food and body control.
Shame may force short-term compliance, but it does not create long-term freedom.
This is one reason I do not coach from shame. Shame may force short-term compliance, but it does not create long-term freedom. It makes people hide. It makes them lie. It makes them feel like failures when what they actually need is structure, support, honesty, and a better understanding of what is driving the pattern.
Many smart, successful people are carrying a private war with food. They can lead teams, manage budgets, raise families, build companies, and still feel powerless around sugar, alcohol, late-night snacking, or emotional eating.
That does not make them broken. It makes them human. And it means the plan needs to address more than calories.
The pattern was never just about food.
Over time, I had to understand that my relationship with food was not happening in isolation.
Food was connected to stress. Food was connected to insecurities.
It was connected to pressure.
It was connected to how I handled emotions.
It was connected to how hard I pushed myself.
It was connected to what I expected from my body and how I spoke to myself when I did not meet that expectation.
That was humbling.
Because it is easy to make food the enemy. It is easy to think, “If I could just control this one thing, everything would be better.”
But for many people, food is not the whole problem. It is the place where the problem shows up.
Sometimes cravings are connected to blood sugar, under-eating, poor sleep, stress, hormones, gut issues, or not enough protein. Sometimes they are connected to emotional patterns, exhaustion, resentment, loneliness, or using food as the only pause in an overloaded day.
Usually, it is not one thing. That would be too convenient, and the body rarely gives us the easy spreadsheet version.
That is why I do not believe every health struggle is “just mindset.” That is too simplistic, and it can become another way to blame people.
Food is not the whole problem. It is the place where the problem shows up.
But I also do not believe we can fully separate food from the life someone is living.
If your schedule is overloaded, your sleep is poor, your stress is high, your body is under-fueled, your digestion is off, and your emotions have nowhere to go, another meal plan may not fix the real issue.
That does not mean strategy does not matter. It absolutely does.
It means the strategy has to fit the whole person.
Why I coach food differently now
When I work with clients, I am not trying to make them perfect eaters. Perfect eating is not the goal. A healthier relationship with food, better awareness, stable energy, fewer cravings, improved digestion, better body composition, and more confidence in choices are much better goals.
Yes, we may use data. We may use a CGM. We may look at blood sugar patterns, food sensitivity testing, gut testing, or bloodwork when appropriate. We may track food temporarily to build awareness. But the goal is not obsession. The goal is clarity.
I want clients to understand why they crave sugar at night, why they crash in the afternoon, why “healthy” meals may still leave them hungry, why stress changes food choices, and why their environment may be working against them.
Then we build strategy.
Not punishment. Not shame. Strategy.
When food has not always felt safe
Because I have lived versions of food control and disordered eating patterns myself, I understand how easily “healthy habits” can become another way to feel trapped.
I know what it feels like to look disciplined on the outside while feeling anything but peaceful on the inside. I know what it feels like when food decisions carry too much emotional weight. And I know how damaging it can be when someone tries to help by adding more rules, more tracking, more restriction, or more pressure.
That is why, when someone has a history of an eating disorder or disordered eating patterns, the approach has to be even more thoughtful.
Tracking may not be appropriate. A CGM may not be appropriate. Food logs may not be appropriate. Even conversations about numbers, macros, portions, or body composition have to be handled with care.
The goal is not to trigger old patterns in the name of “health.” That is not health.
The goal is to build trust first.
Trust with the person. Trust with the process. Trust with food. Trust with the body again.
When I work with someone who has a history of food control, bingeing, restriction, purging, obsessive tracking, or feeling unsafe around food, everything has to be personalized to where that person is now.
Sometimes the work starts with consistency, nourishment, meal rhythm, protein, digestion, energy, sleep, and reducing shame before we ever talk about deeper tracking or data.
Sometimes the most important win is not a number. It is being able to eat without panic. It is feeling more steady through the day. It is making a food choice without spiraling. It is learning that structure can feel supportive instead of controlling.
This requires a clear, honest, open, and trustworthy coaching relationship. I need clients to feel safe enough to tell me what is really happening, not what they think I want to hear.
And if someone is actively struggling with an eating disorder or needs clinical support, I want the right licensed professionals involved. Coaching should not replace therapy, medical care, or specialized eating disorder treatment.
But for women with a history of disordered eating who are ready to improve their health without going back into shame, obsession, or control, the approach can and should look different.
That is why I do not force one method on every client.
The strategy has to support the whole person.
Progress, not perfection
I still respect my old sugar pattern. I do not pretend I am above it. I have simply learned how to live in a way that supports the woman I want to be. That means I make choices. I focus on fueling my body so I keep my brain satisfied. I set up my environment. I stay aware. I do not rely on willpower as my only tool.
That is the kind of freedom I want for clients. Freedom from constant mental noise. Freedom from shame. Freedom from pretending everything is fine when food feels like a battlefield.
If food, sugar, cravings, or control have been part of your story, I want you to know this: you do not need another plan that makes you feel like a failure. You need a better understanding of your body, your patterns, your stress, your environment, and the support to build a different way forward.
That is why I do not coach from shame. I coach from truth, compassion, structure, and accountability. Because I know what it feels like to be in the valley, and I also know there is a way out.
If this part of my story resonates with you, a Clarity Session is a simple place to start. It is not a coaching session or personalized plan. It is a conversation to look at where you are, what feels stuck, and whether working together makes sense.